Whilst filling my spongelike brain with useful information in my freshman year of college, I lived in the same dorm as Kenneth Pellegrino. On occasion, I would forget to lock the door to my dorm room. These are a few of the notes I would find upon my return.

Chris, its Johnny, but you probably dont remember me. When I twas but a little boy, known as Little Johnny, I would ride mi scooter around the town. One faithful day whilst I was ridding i happened past your house, and outside there you were, just standing there. You glanced at me, which in turn distracted me, causing me to lose control and fall into an open sewer hole. There i lost my arms to mutant alligators, but i fashioned new ones out of poop. Now when i walk around people call me poop arms. The day has come for me to take my vengeance upon you. You will not know where or when my attack will come, but be sure of this…..you WILL smell my presence, and you will pay dearly!

In Loving Regards
Johhny -Poop Arms-

Sorry to intrude but the door was open and it seems you have not learned your lesson about leaving your room un-attended.  I have hidden 5 chinchillas throughout your room and they will explode at 12 tonight unless you find and cook them.  Maybe this will teach you to lock your door when you take a shower.  Cheese is the power which man stems the goliath from.  Think about it.   I shall now turn your screen saver on to stop any further intrusions by beings such as trabka or loughman, they are face giving poo heads, dont hang out with them or you will die.

Thank you for your time.

Whoa….. im in the computer….this is nuts.  How the fuck did this happen.  I was walking through the tulips on a frightful wed. evening and poof, a jack rabbit named tom popped up outta no where and goes “You are a devil fish, I shall now sentence u to life in computer…. Blamo with cheese!”  then I was here.  Whats that noise, is that, it is, it’s a light.  Im going to go to the light, I must touch the light.  TZZZZzzzZZZZZzzzZZZ (general electrocutions sounds) sssssssss (sound of burnt flesh simmereing)